This month, our materials team conducted a study on the relationship between cushion density and the quality of sleep. The study was funded by a grant from nobody and involved eleven cushions, six cats and a bathroom scale.
Summary of findings
In brief, softer cushions are better, until they are too soft, at which point they become a hole. The ideal cushion supports the body while allowing a gentle sinking motion, which we have named the Sink.
Methodology
Each cat was placed on a cushion for twenty minutes. We recorded the time to settle, the time to sleep, and the quality of the snore. We also measured the depth of the impression left behind, using a ruler and a great deal of patience.
Results
- Firm cushions: fast settling, poor sleep, frequent circling
- Medium cushions: good settling, good sleep, mild snoring
- Soft cushions: slow settling, excellent sleep, deep snoring
- Extra soft cushions: no settling, as the cat was lost
The Sink
The Sink is the moment when the cat’s weight descends into the cushion and the cushion rises around her like a tide. It is the most valuable moment in the whole experience. A cushion that cannot Sink is not a cushion. It is a pad.
Recommendations
We recommend:
- Filling cushions with a mix of down and optimism
- Placing cushions at a slight angle, to encourage rolling
- Covering them with a fabric that attracts hair, since hair is a sign of ownership
- Washing them rarely, to keep the smell
A note on safety
This is a satirical blog. Please make sure your cat has a bed that suits her, and consult a vet if she shows signs of discomfort. We are architects, and our knowledge ends where the cushion begins.
The best cushion is the one that is already occupied.
Further work
Next quarter, we will investigate the properties of laundry, with a particular focus on the warm pile that comes out of the dryer. Early indications suggest that it is the finest material known to science.
Leave a Reply